Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
