Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
