It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
"it" just moved
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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