I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
