Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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