Please, let me fuck your mom
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you win again, gameday.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
