My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
