My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
