he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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