he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
