Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
