i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I believe in your delicious
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
