did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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