that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
