oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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