just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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