i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
