You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
