I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
