I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
