we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
