Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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