well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
