And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
