new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
