my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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