I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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