who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
