I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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