why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
