when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
