what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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