Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
