Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These tits shall not be calmed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
