I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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