When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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