actually, I'm a sock model
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
