Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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