i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
