There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
