im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
