So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
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I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize