You really coming over, don't trick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
