Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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