So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
