i permit you to call me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
