Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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