barbara walters just said penis...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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