Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
