TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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