I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
