I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
