No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
FUCK WHALES
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
