VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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