i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
