Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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