I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
