You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
