So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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