i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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