Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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