Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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