After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
