for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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