woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
