I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize