I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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