just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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