she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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