The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
